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Wednesday, 18. March 2015
Two sides of a Coin
ell, 17:06h
I have long ago noticed that I am basically two people. Not as in split personality, more like two different sides of one personality. Although that doesn't really hit it, as they seem to be completely opposite.
The closest thing I can relate it to would maybe be an imperfectionally joined Trill with the personality of the host and that of the symbiont constantly batteling each other for superiority, with each occasionally winning or loosing the fight.
On one side there is the Me, most people know. Always smiling, selfconfident, calm and harldy ever paniking, who can improvise and basically lives for The show must go on. She's someone you can basically put on a stage and entertain people if all else fails. She is creative in more than one way, generally organized and chaotic only when she wants to be. When something doesn't work out she'll find a way t make it so and she'll take the lead if no one else does. There are situations when she is nervous, too, but over all she usually stays in control. Most of the times she doesn't really care much about other people and their oppinions. She does things her way for her reasons, but is also open for good arguments.
And then there is the other Me. She's the little girl sitting alone in the back row. Shy and unsure of herself, she is afraid of new things. She needs everything organized, yet is clumsy and chaotic in more way than one. Often she forgets things or doesn't know what to do. Then she panics easily and when things go south, she often breaks up in tears. She's a sentimental loner, socially awkward with no group dynamics, few friends and often alone.
Most of the time those two sides coexist more or less harmonically, and I don't say that it would be better without the second one, but sometimes the 'other' Me blocks out the first one completely. I believe that there are certain triggers to it, but I can't really define yet, what they are. And I know that when it happens, things get unpleasant.
The closest thing I can relate it to would maybe be an imperfectionally joined Trill with the personality of the host and that of the symbiont constantly batteling each other for superiority, with each occasionally winning or loosing the fight.
On one side there is the Me, most people know. Always smiling, selfconfident, calm and harldy ever paniking, who can improvise and basically lives for The show must go on. She's someone you can basically put on a stage and entertain people if all else fails. She is creative in more than one way, generally organized and chaotic only when she wants to be. When something doesn't work out she'll find a way t make it so and she'll take the lead if no one else does. There are situations when she is nervous, too, but over all she usually stays in control. Most of the times she doesn't really care much about other people and their oppinions. She does things her way for her reasons, but is also open for good arguments.
And then there is the other Me. She's the little girl sitting alone in the back row. Shy and unsure of herself, she is afraid of new things. She needs everything organized, yet is clumsy and chaotic in more way than one. Often she forgets things or doesn't know what to do. Then she panics easily and when things go south, she often breaks up in tears. She's a sentimental loner, socially awkward with no group dynamics, few friends and often alone.
Most of the time those two sides coexist more or less harmonically, and I don't say that it would be better without the second one, but sometimes the 'other' Me blocks out the first one completely. I believe that there are certain triggers to it, but I can't really define yet, what they are. And I know that when it happens, things get unpleasant.
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